Interview with the first gentleman Essay

MANILA -My news editor asked me to interview the economize of the highest official of the land, Mr. Miguel Mike Arroyo. On the day appointed, I was whisked in to the Mala pileang palace, where by and by the formalities, i. e. , being frisked by presidential guards in combat fatigues, I was shown in to the Philippines equivalent of the Oval Office. Mr. Arroyo rose to shake my hand. He was not tall, just now immense, very fat, and had a bored air about him. With him was an old valet de chambre wearing glasses, who introduced himself as Jess Santos, a lawyer and the First worlds spokesperson. The interview went on as followsQ I hear youve been busy these days, register libel cases against some journalists. Jess Yes, that is correct. You exist these newspaper guys, theyre a smart in the ass. Always noisy. But of course you green goddesst attention it. We live in a democracy, and the Philippines is the most democratic in Asia. I hope youll agree. But when they dis purity the Fi rst Gentleman, using all kinds of libelous imputation, using the media to spread these lies and calumniate and slur him so as to crack his clean and untainted reputation, he has to fight back. And thithers zilch wrong(p) in using the courts to descryk justice. (The First Gentleman nods gravely.)Q ar there any truths to these so-called lies against the First Gentleman? Jess Oh, no none at all. This allegation about unexplained wealth, its absurd. It isnt wrong to be rich, you know. But the main point here, which you must not miss, and should be emphasized in your column or whatever, is that Mr. Arroyo is a gentleman. I mean, a gentleman in the real sense of the word. You fathert see a gentleman everyday, do you? He is very dignified, punctilious of keep an eye on, the analysis of chivalry, gallantry, and respect. (The First Gentleman nods, dozing off. ) Q Is it true he dared the lawyer of a defendant to a fistfight in court?(The First Gentleman opens his eyes, looks at me, but says nothing. ) Jess Well, you know how it is with honorable men like the First Gentleman. They are very sensitive when their honor is brought to ridicule. And in order to preserve his honor and integrity, it is but normal for the First Gentleman to react in his exoneration by calling the offending party to a fight, which shows that the First Gentleman is not a pushover, nor is he a weakling, but a doughty man like the knights of old who were not afraid to do betrothal to defend their honor. Q I see. What about his rumored liaison with a pretty woman, allegedly his secretary?Jess (assuming a pained expression) Please, please, do not dignify such(prenominal) baseless, malicious accusations. The First Gentleman would never enter into an unchaste consanguinity with a woman other than his wife, the President, because a true gentleman testament never entertain any immoral thought, much more an illicit affair with a woman. (The First Gentleman looks at the ceiling as if remembe ring something. ) Q According to a columnist, the First Gentleman stayed in a $20,000 suite at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas when he went there to watch the fight between your Manny Pacquiao and Erik Morales.Jess That is not true. I doubt if you can find such a room in Las Vegas. And even if he did, the expenses may have been paid by friends. You know the First Gentleman, he has friends from high places. Q Well, I admit I dont know him that much. And I notice he isnt saying anything. Can I interview him? Jess Oh, sure. Theres nothing to worry about him. He is the perfect gentleman. Q Well, sir, could you react to the accusation that you have a secret depone account in Germany? FG (unsmiling)Who told you that? Q Well, its on the papers, sir.Just trying to amount your reaction firsthand. FG Well, um, its a lot of shit, I mean, whoever wrote that article is an asshole, I mean, he must be an enemy of the state to say such matters. Why, I know, being the First Gentleman, that there are c ontinuing threats to our matter security. Q I likewise hear this issue was brought up by a certain Congressman Cayetano who is now running for Senator. And this person has challenged you to issue a waiver so that he could conjure up whos verbalise the truth. FG (scowling). The surly scumbag Scoundrel Bloody foolPardon me, but I cant help myself. You see, this person has been using his parliamentary immunity to attack me at every turn. Im sick of him. But I wont be dragged into this controversy. Q He also says you brought 50 million pesos in a helicopter in Mindanao to buy votes in the come through election where your wife won as President. FG That is a lie get dressedt believe the goddam son of a gun Q And he has just issued a public statement that he is daring you to soak up him in a debate at Plaza Miranda to show who is telling the truth. FG The nerve I will not stoop down to his level.If he wants, I challenge him to a fistfight (rolls up his sleeves). Q He also says you are crook and a liar and an adulterer. FG (roaring). He said that? put forward him to just wait. Tomorrow Ill file twenty counts of libel against him.I have fifty lawyers to work on that. Jess Now there, there, please dont get excited. A gentleman is never riled up. FG verbalise him I will get his goddam ass Jess Please sir, youre a real gentleman. FG I know that, I know. And Ill prove to the =* guy that Im a *&%4 man of honor (end of interview).